Does Your Child Struggle to Express Their Feelings? 7 Practical Ways to Help Them Understand Anger, Sadness and Anxiety
A child may know they are upset but not always have the words to explain what is happening inside. As a result, anger may appear as shouting, sadness may turn into withdrawal, or anxiety may take the form of refusing to go to school. Teaching a child to understand their feelings does not mean preventing them from feeling angry or sad; it means helping them identify their emotions and express them safely.
UNICEF guidance indicates that children learn a great deal about emotions from how adults respond to them, and that listening without judgment, naming feelings, and maintaining warm, predictable routines can support their emotional development.
1. Start by naming the feeling instead of judging the behavior
When a child is angry, avoid describing them as “stubborn” or “bad.” You could say: “It looks like you’re angry because playtime is over,” or “I think you’re frustrated because the task was difficult.” This approach separates the child from the behavior and adds words to their vocabulary that they can use later.
For young children, start with simple words such as happy, sad, angry and scared. As they get older, you can add more precise words such as frustrated, anxious, embarrassed, excited or disappointed.
2. Listen before offering a solution
When a child tells you about something that upset them, a parent’s first reaction may be to offer quick advice. But listening first helps the child feel heard. In conversations about mental health, UNICEF recommends that parents listen more than they speak and also pay attention to nonverbal reactions such as sighing or rolling their eyes.
You could ask: “Do you want me to try to help you solve this, or do you just want me to listen right now?” This question is particularly suitable for older children and teenagers.
3. Make talking about feelings part of the day
Do not wait for a tantrum to happen. While watching a story or film, ask: “How do you think this character feels? And why?” At the end of the day, each family member can mention one thing that made them happy and one thing that bothered them. This simple practice makes talking about feelings feel natural rather than associating it only with problems.
4. Use play and drawing with younger children
Putting feelings into words can be difficult for a three- or four-year-old, while they may be able to express a great deal through play or drawing. You can draw faces showing different emotions, imitate and name facial expressions, or use dolls to act out a situation such as losing a toy or having a disagreement with a friend.
UNICEF explains that play helps children process difficult emotions, while playing together with parents supports communication and a sense of security.
5. Teach your child that the feeling is acceptable, but some actions are not
You can say: “It’s okay to be angry, but we don’t hit.” Then help the child choose an alternative: step away for a moment, take slow breaths, ask for help, squeeze a pillow or express themselves with words. Clear, calm boundaries do not conflict with empathy; rather, they help children understand what is expected of them.
6. Be a practical role model
Children watch how adults deal with pressure. Instead of trying to appear emotionless, a parent can say appropriately: “I’m feeling stressed right now, so I’m going to sit for a minute and calm down before I continue this conversation.” In this way, the child sees that emotions are normal and that managing them is a skill that can be learned.
7. Choose an approach suited to the child’s age
- Ages 3–5: Pictures of faces, stories, imaginative play and simple emotion words.
- Ages 6–9: Short questions about the events of the day, an emotion scale from 1 to 5, and drawing or writing.
- Ages 10 and older: Give them more space and privacy, and avoid turning every conversation into a lecture or an interrogation.
When does a child need help from a specialist?
Strong emotions are a normal part of development and, on their own, do not indicate a disorder. However, if a clear change in behavior, withdrawal or severe anxiety continues for a long time, affects sleep, school or relationships, or if the child displays behavior that could harm themselves or others, it is appropriate to seek an assessment from a pediatrician or qualified specialist. UNICEF emphasizes that some stress reactions are temporary, but their persistence or severity may warrant specialized support.
This material is intended for general awareness and should not be used to diagnose a child or as a substitute for specialized medical or psychological advice.
